08 Wednesday Feb 2017
Posted in cat, dormant season, old haunts, Past Loves, winter
Have you ever had a cat touch it’s nose to your pencil as you write?
To gently push and force the page adjoining
Rattle ever so gently
In order to push aside, then rub her head on a corner
Stepping around in a tactful way
To lie down just aside the binding
Jolting as if to pounce
From your page it flies
Only to walk up your leg and
Chew on your eraser.
November 1972
Miss Kitty ~ my muse for eleven years
Copyright © 2017 by Diane LaSauce All Rights Reserved
16 Friday Jan 2015
Posted in cat, death of a pet, home, loss
This is Lyle at the shelter. Weighing in at fourteen pounds, he was a bushel of love.
This blog post is an homage to a fine, sweet, older kitty, Lyle.
Lyle was surrendered to the local CASPCA six months ago. He had been in the same home for eleven years. The owners had various reasons for letting him go, yet Lyle never really recovered from the separation. Despite daily attention from a devoted feline volunteer, Lyle remained shy, fearful, and distant, making adoption difficult in a facility filled with bouncing, adorable kittens.
It’s been nearly four years since my beloved Miss Kitty departed this life and I finally felt ready to welcome a special kitty into my heart. After filling out his paperwork on Friday, I asked Lyle if he approved. He looked me in the eyes and reached out one paw and began kneading his pillow. I took that as a YES!
Lyle was vetted on Monday, where a new heart condition was discovered. This did not dissuade me in any way. The shelter thought we were a perfect match, and with high hopes, I brought him home on Tuesday.
The ride to Swallowtail Cottage was peaceful. The sunny winter afternoon was brilliant. Lyle made eye contact with me many times from his carrier, sunlight reflecting from his soulful, golden eyes. He even seemed to enjoy the view of the passing landscape. I assured him we would have a good life together. He would have a second chance at love.
Within minutes of arrival, Lyle began choking and gasping. Numerous calls to his vet assured me this was stress related, and I should leave him to quiet. Within thirty minutes he was dead — DEAD!!
Post mortem revealed Lyle died of heart failure. A heart broken from rejection? A heart longing to be loved too long? A heart not strong enough to accept new love?
I shall never know.
The house is again quiet — in its winter mode. I wrestle with many emotions, yet have the highest respect for those dedicated shelter volunteers and skilled professionals, who have the emotional stamina to deal with rejected animals every day. To all of them, thank you. And to all who adopt from shelters and rescue facilities, hugs to you.
For those guardians who dump/discard family pets when they age, shame on you!
Today if you have the chance, please send up a little word for Lyle to finally find peace and unconditional love.
Photo of Lyle courtesy of the Charlottesville Albemarle SPCA.
Copyright © 2015 by Diane LaSauce All Rights Reserved
12 Tuesday Jun 2012
Posted in blessings, cat, Lifestyle, Past Loves, photography, renewal, sustainable lifestyle
This day began as any other Tuesday—except rain fell in sheets.
No matter, Tuesday is my day for town and errands. Only too soon would I discover that this day would be like no other…
On May 5, 2011 my muse and love, Miss Kitty left this life. We were inseparable for eleven years. The following photograph hung in my kitchen until yesterday when I moved it into the bay window where Miss Kitty’s ashes, favorite toy, and fancy ribbon reside.
During the last year of her life, Miss Kitty’s favorite napping/supervising spot was the top of my printer—unless she was watching the butterfly larva crawl around their containers.
A few days following her departure, I photographed a black swallowtail butterfly as it emerged in my office near the printer. I raise butterflies as a hobby…
Miss Kitty and I love butterflies.
I liked her photo next to her memorial, as she seemed right at home.
When I returned from town this morning, the rain continued to fall heavily. Once dry, I mixed a special order batter and poked it into the oven. Deciding to take a break, I headed to the living room where I began to peruse photographs. Suddenly I noticed something black in the bay window next to Miss Kitty’s memorial.
Nestled into the corner was a very-much-alive black swallowtail butterfly.
Can you imagine what went through my mind?
I thought that I was hallucinating!
A few moments later a knock came at the door, and a Fed-Ex person held a delivery—my new printer!
I clearly stepped through the looking-glass today and found myself experiencing childhood magic. I have no rational explanation for what occurred.
Do you?
Even the first draft of this blog disappeared when I clicked the publish button!
Another first.
I cannot explain how the butterfly managed to be in my home.
Butterflies do not fly in rain.
And why was this butterfly in Miss Kitty’s Memorial?
I am filled with gratitude and hopeful that my Miss Kitty resides with me still.
Yet I dearly miss the pitter-patter of her little feet on the wooden floors.
Remember to glide your mouse over images for further captions.
PS: Read more about Miss Kitty in my my blogs entitled the thing about profound loss and the thing about whiskers; both essays found in the left hand column.
And the pound cake turned out pretty too. 😉
Copyright © 2012 by Diane LaSauce All Rights Reserved
08 Thursday Sep 2011
Posted in cat, death of a pet, life, loss, Poetry
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Thursday of this week, I had no options for my beloved kitty of the past eleven years. Sometime last year a silent cancer (fibrosarcoma) manifested in her mouth and only eight weeks ago, did she show visible symptoms.
Miss Kitty had the heart of a lion, and persevered during her last two weeks with the aid of opiates and in-home vet care. With the ultimate responsibility resting on my shoulders, decisions weighed heavily. Our last ten days together were spent doing all Miss Kitty’s favorite things-sunbathing in the newly mowed grass, hiding amongst the tall patch of tiger lilies, playing hide and seek, presenting her toy mouse to me many times per day, and quality naps on the heating pad. Even her appetite improved the final week, making my choice even more difficult.
quality nap time during happier days
With steady hand, we traveled to our vet for a sedated exam and a possible dentistry. My hopes were high, as recovery had not yet been ruled out. Fate quickly intervened as her vet showed me an image of her upper gum line, an image too gruesome for words. Extraordinary surgery was offered, yet with no chance of a full recovery, and painful post-op, we mutually decided euthanasia was the kindest alternative.
my best friend and editor…Miss Kitty
My final words were spoken to my love, companion, my angel, my muse as the fatal dose was administered and she peacefully slipped away. Carefully wrapped in a towel placed in her favorite bed, we returned home. Saying my final goodbye before closing the box was not as difficult as returning to the house alone, now devoid of my significant other. Working from home this past decade allowed the opportunity for us to fully bond with connections that ran deep. I wanted to run and never return.
Miss Kitty will be privately cremated and return home to rest in a soapstone urn, carved with Celtic symbols, given to us by her godmother.
Friday I could not speak without sobbing and wailing, and could find no comfort in daily life. Finally, a phone call from a blessed friend assured me that “gratitude is greater than grief” and Miss Kitty’s message to me was to think of her as a “voluptuous being” who chose me (“Damn right, I did!”) and to know that beneath the horrible pain of loss rests the eternal love we shared for over a decade.
“Sweet is the breath of vernal shower.
The bee’s collected treasures sweet.
Sweet music’s melting fall, but sweeter yet:
The still small voice of gratitude.”
~Thomas Gray
Copyright © 2011 by Diane LaSauce All Rights Reserved
